Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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