have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
