She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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