I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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