i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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