I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
