Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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