It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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