I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
