I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
