All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
