I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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