mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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