I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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