I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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