based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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