Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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