We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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