under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
