I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
