That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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