So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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