just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
