I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
