I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
