he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
