so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
