I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
