i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
