Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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