omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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