Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's great music for shaving your balls
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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