Will you blow on my dice?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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