can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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