just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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