Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
