So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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