carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
