All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to make out with him forever
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
