He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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