remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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