An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
