Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
