To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is Oprah even human
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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