he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
