Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
