non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
