Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
