She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
a search helicopter?!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
