if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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